I think I know why this time is so much harder than the rest…

It’s because my heart knows it’s over, 
It knows there’s no saving us.
No happy endings.
You’re not coming back this time…

Sometimes I feel you close… 
I know you’re thinking of me, 
But for whatever reason you stay away.  
And maybe things are better this way,
But I know that’s only the logical part of myself speaking up.

Inside, deep in my heart,
the place that really matters to me, is thrashing violently about. 

It needs you to beat, to thrive, function properly.

I just miss you so much, this goes deeper than anything else ever has. 
And sometimes, I have serious doubts that I’ll ever recover from this. 

I understand now why they call it being “madly in love”. 
Because it’s the truth, you’re absolutely mad.
Completely out of your mind in love.  

It’s masochistic, self destruction.
But you become dependent on the pain. 
You take all the bad just so that you can have those rare, fleeting moments of the greatest happiness you’ve ever felt.

Ecstasy.

And when it’s over and it’s gone,
It’s like you don’t know what to do.
The pain isn’t even there anymore. 

The dreams aren’t leaving, either.
You’re still there. Every night

When I close my eyes and fall into that deep, deep place.
The one place I’m happy anymore,
the darkness where you dwell inside my mind.

And your voice is clear and I can feel you love me.
Just like it’s supposed to be.

And I wake up on the verge of tears every morning,
It’s like being ripped violently away from you again.
Every day, it tears the wound wide open.

I honestly think I may need some professional help…
I’m losing my mind without you.